Our friend, a psychotherapist, will tell you about how her profession works. To begin with, she made a list of the nine most common requests that come to a psychotherapist – and told how he could help in these cases.
“I don’t know who I am and what I want”
A common trap that a person falls into at the beginning of therapy is the belief that if you discover something new about yourself, life will change. But knowledge does not necessarily equal change, and insights (insights that happen in therapy) are only an occasion for further decisions and actions.
The psychologist will clarify what exactly you hope to change by getting to know yourself. Often behind such a request is a lack of joy, a sense of meaninglessness or living a life that is not one’s own, disappointment in work or relationships: in a word, dissatisfaction. It occurs where there is a repressed or repressed need that a person has to give up due to social pressure (including but not limited to the arguments “it’s not acceptable”, “it’s indecent,” and “you won’t earn a living by this”) or adverse conditions. In therapy, you can recognize this need and find a way to fulfill it. Yes, at the beginning of the work, the psychologist can also ask you about your well-being, frequent emotional experiences, and behavior to understand whether it is a need or one of the symptoms of a depressive state.
“Help change partner/child/boss/mom”
We all want relationships to be a place of support, trust, and joy. When the actions of a loved one cause unpleasant feelings, we tend to bring down all the responsibility on him. Since you make me feel bad, you should behave differently! This approach, instead of compromise, often leads to even greater claims and alienation. No one, including a psychologist, can change another person. But a specialist will help you recognize what needs your anger, irritation, and resentment speak of, learn how to discuss your feelings with loved ones in an eco-friendly way, and find compromises together.
“Make it, so I don’t feel it”
Real men are not afraid of anything. Good girls don’t get angry. Think positively, believe in yourself, always forgive, do not feel sadness, weakness, discouragement, irritation, doubt… and drive yourself into a neurosis. We live in a world where some feelings are encouraged, and others are considered unacceptable. Messages “how to do it right” are absorbed through the environment and environment: parents, school, advertising, TV shows. When there is external pressure and the message “don’t feel it”, one’s wrongness develops. Unfortunately, most often tabooed are natural human reactions that cannot be turned off once and for all. The psychologist will help, firstly, to separate other people’s standards from their own needs and recognize and live feelings without guilt for them.
“I’m depressed”
Important to distinguish between natural mood swings and depressive symptoms. In a depressive state, symptoms from several categories (emotional, bodily, behavioral, cognitive) appear at once and become more intense over time. During the session, the psychologist will ask you about the symptoms and their duration and, if necessary, advise you to contact other specialists to confirm the diagnosis. It is possible to confirm the presence and identify the causes and type of depression only with the help of a comprehensive diagnosis, in which a psychiatrist is necessarily involved, as well as doctors from different fields: an endocrinologist, a neurologist, and a gastroenterologist. The treatment of depression will also be complex and include psychotherapy as one of the ways to help.
“I’m lazy and irresponsible”
Procrastination, self-sabotage, time management problems, inability to follow through or keep promises – people who experience this often internalize the problem: they think it’s all about them. It’s not much to do, and I’m lazy. Not a stressful situation, but I’m a slob. With the help of a psychologist, you can investigate the causes of the problem. Perhaps it’s not about a character but about overload, uninteresting work, unrealistic expectations from yourself, or a banal lack of sleep and quality rest. Procrastination and missed deadlines are a symptom. It is worth looking for what it connects to and solving the root problem.
“I am constantly anxious”
Severe anxiety attacks and panic attacks are a phenomenon that is still poorly understood. Unreasonable fear rolls out of the blue and paralyzes the will, thinking, and sometimes the body. However, to call it causeless is not entirely correct. There is always a reason, but it can be hidden deep in the unconscious.
In particular, fear can be associated with trauma, memories of which have been repressed, with childhood events even before the formation of a stable memory, and even with the experience of previous generations, experiences about which were “inherited” from parents, grandmothers, great-grandfathers – the so-called generational trauma. Over time, a fear of fear develops: a person is afraid of another attack, which means that anxiety grows and becomes a constant companion.
If you ask for help, check if the psychologist works with such a request. Depending on the therapeutic approach, a specialist can teach you techniques and exercises to relieve seizures and reduce anxiety, redefine your attitude towards panic attacks and their impact on life, or explore the unconscious causes of your condition.
“I want everything to be the way it used to be”
Sometimes bad things happen even to good people. None of us is immune from job loss, partner betrayal, illness, injury, or death of a loved one. A traumatic experience divides life into “before” and “after”. A person seems to split, part of him remains in what happened, and the other part continues to live. Unfortunately, the past cannot be changed, and the painful experience cannot be erased. The task of therapy is to help a person warm up and interrogate him, take himself out of the past, and find the strength not just to live on but to see joy, meaning, and the possibility of a good future.
“I went to the doctor, but he said I should see a psychologist.”
It happens: a person suffers from bodily symptoms and visits one doctor after another, but all tests are normal. It also happens that the disease is diagnosed but not treatable, and the doctor advises psychotherapy. The work of the mind and body are interconnected. Emotional experiences can affect the physical condition and provoke the development of diseases. There is even the so-called Chicago Seven: diseases most often associated with internal conflicts, fears, and suppression of experiences. Among them are ulcerative colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, hypertension, and bronchial asthma. Therapy will help to realize what the psyche communicates through the disease and to respond to its message.
“I want to know how to live right – teach me?”
No. Not because the psychologist is sorry for your secret knowledge. There is no right way to live, think, act, and build relationships. What a psychologist can do is reconcile you to the fact that life is not always predictable and controllable. There will be situations where there are many options for how to act. There will be those in which there is no good solution, and you will have to choose the lesser of the evils. Life can be chaotic and unpredictable, frustrates plans, and requires improvisation. Sounds disappointing? Then the good news is that by giving up looking for the right solutions and perfect strategies, you will free up a huge amount of energy and vitality. And in the process, you also strengthen the internal support and faith in your ability to cope, no matter what happens.
