“Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.” — Louis Nizer
There is a significant difference between conventional advice and psychotherapy, and I want to convey that difference in this article. Psychologists get a lot of questions from people wondering what to do in a particular situation. For example, “My spouse is having an affair. What should I do?” or “I don’t like my job. What is your advice?”
Advice and Psychotherapy
In the context of psychotherapy, advice from psychologists is no different than advice from friends or advice in topical articles. I can give quite a bit of advice, but you can learn the same on the Internet. That’s not what psychotherapy is about.
When dealing with certain issues for which there are specific, unambiguous answers, a short-term consultation with a psychologist is a great option. It’s like when you have car problems – a wise decision would be to go to an auto mechanic. Or when you’re in physical pain – it’s worth seeking medical attention.
But once it comes to making decisions about various problems that may arise in your personal life, it’s best not to take the advice of psychologists on faith. Everyone has their own opinions, certain beliefs, and subjective experiences. Think about it. There will be a lot of answers when looking for solutions to family problems. It is effortless to get confused.
How a Psychologist Works
A professional psychologist will never tell you exactly what you should do. Instead, he will help you understand what exactly you can do in this situation.
If you ask a friend what to do in case of infidelity, the answer will be, “Leave!” If you address the same question to a therapist – the answer with a specific solution will not be.
The psychologist will most likely clarify: “You are not sure what you want to do about your partner’s infidelity. Or the therapist will ask a more solution-oriented clarifying question, “What exactly can you do about your partner’s infidelity?” Do you see a difference?
The purpose of counseling is to give you a solution option. And the therapist’s job is to answer your question.
In other words, the psychologist helps in another way – he participates in a dialogue with you. He asks the right questions to help clarify the situation. The point is to make the options available to you more visually. This will help you understand both the short-term and long-term consequences of the decisions you may make.
Conclusions
Giving advice is not difficult. Psychotherapy, on the other hand, takes time involvement, and patience from the person who chooses it. As the old saying goes, “Give a man a fish, and he will be fed for a day. Teach him to fish, and he will feed himself for a lifetime.” To make an analogy, counseling is a fish given to you. A therapist is a professional who will teach you how to fish for yourself.
Real psychologists don’t give advice because the purpose of psychotherapy is to empower you to make your own decisions.
