From a situation in which everything is familiar and understandable, we are striding towards the unknown. Even if the previous situation is already unbearable, the uncertainty is still more frightening. We will tell you why this is a natural reaction of the psyche and how you can overcome the fear of change for the sake of a better future.
Why It’s Difficult to Decide on Change
“If one fear rules over all, it is more important than all; it will gather everyone together and imprison them in darkness.” With such a slightly modified quote from Tolkien, an article devoted to the fear of the unknown begins. The author, Canadian psychologist Nicholas Carlton, calls this fear fundamental—a kind of “ring of omnipotence” among everything in life that can scare us. In his opinion, any of the fears or phobias can be logically reduced to the fear of the unknown: “I’m afraid because I don’t know.”
It is the fear of the unknown that we often try to hide behind arguments against change.
- “What if everything gets worse?”
- “I won’t succeed.”
- “It’s only for the smart, rich, and healthy.”
- “And if I don’t like it, then there’s no way back?”
- “Things are not so bad, really. Nothing needs to be changed.”
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The fact is that for our brain, a familiar situation—even if it is not comfortable—seems safer. Scientists have confirmed this through numerous (and slightly sadistic) experiments. During such studies, volunteers are attached to electrodes that are capable of delivering a harmless but slightly painful electric shock. The goal is to measure stress-related responses (e.g., pupillary dilation or sweating) under different conditions.
The results prove that any element of unpredictability greatly increases stress. More stress was experienced in cases where the chance of getting an electric shock was 50% rather than 100% or 0%. That is, the unknown is even worse than the situation when you know for sure that it will hurt.
In life, this turns into the fact that we choose the “familiar evil”—the usual troubles that we have already learned to cope with or at least tolerate. Potential difficulties and failures are much more frightening. Therefore, we can stay in relationships that have not “worked” for a long time or not leave work where the “ceiling” has already been reached. What if you can’t find a new partner or a better place?
The fear of uncertainty is due to evolution: it is useful to perceive the unknown as a potential threat. But while moderate-intensity fear can increase self-care and help avoid undue risks, in large amounts it is paralyzing and can be self-destructive.
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Individual characteristics also play a role. People who tolerate uncertainty have a harder time overcoming the fear associated with it. In experiments with electric current, most participants calmed down quickly when the shocks stopped. But people with an increased intolerance for uncertainty needed more time to believe that there was nothing to be afraid of. They were stressed longer and had a harder time recovering.
How to Overcome the Fear of Change
American psychotherapists James Prochazka, John Norcross, and Carlo Diclemente came to the conclusion that change is a process that consists of five stages. In their opinion, none of these stages should be skipped; otherwise, the whole process will crumble. And, in order to understand how to act best, you must first determine your current stage.
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Stage 1: Resistance to change
The earliest stage At this stage, a person usually denies that he needs to make changes in his life. He may not recognize that there is a problem or that it harms others or himself.
Strategies:
- Think about the situation.
- Analyze your actions.
- Understand the risks: what happens if you don’t change the situation?
If you are at this stage, you can try asking yourself the following questions:
- How do you usually recognize that there is a situation in your life that needs to be changed? Does this sound like how you feel now?
- How do you see your life in a year? Is it realistic if nothing changes?
Stage 2: Reflection
During this stage, people become more aware of the potential benefits of change, but the cost seems too high. This change causes ambivalence. The fear of the unknown can be so strong that this stage lasts for months or even years. And some never manage to get away from it.
Strategies:
- Weigh the pros and cons.
- Confirm to yourself that you want change.
- Be aware of the barriers to change.
If you are at this stage, the following questions may help you:
- Why do you want change? What will you get if you change the situation?
- What objective obstacles do you have now? What resources could you use to overcome them?
Stage 3: Preparation
In this stage, it is important to collect as much information as possible about the problem and how to solve it and to think over your actions. It happens that, at this moment, doubts and indecision have not yet been overcome. It is important to focus efforts, attention, and energy in order to prepare for sustainable change.
Strategies:
- Write down your goals.
- Prepare an action plan.
If you are at this stage, the following questions will help you set yourself up and prepare:
- What steps can I take to narrow the path to my goal?
- What obstacles might arise? How will I deal with them?
- What can I rely on in the process? Who can I contact for support?
Stage 4. Action
At this stage, there is a transition from words to deeds. If you have given the preparation phase enough time and thought, it is much easier to act. In addition, it is more likely that the changes will linger in your life and that you will not be struck down by the first failure.
Strategies:
- Work with your action plan.
- Reward yourself for progressing towards your goal.
If you are at this stage, you need to regularly monitor your motivation, resources, and progress. This is important in order not to lose sight of big goals, to support yourself in time, and not to forget to praise.
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Stage 5. Maintenance
At this stage, it is important to maintain the changes achieved. The goal is to make them part of the personality and a new way of life. This stage does not have clear deadlines; it all depends on the problem that the person is solving. For example, if the goal is to kick a bad habit, avoid triggers, and stick to other ways of coping with stress, this is a lifelong challenge.
If you understand that you need changes in your life, but fear prevents you from making them, this is a good request for therapy. A psychologist will help you go through all the stages of change, make a plan, follow it, and deal with emotions in the process.
