Making a decision is never an easy task. The more difficult the choice and the more dependent on it, the more difficult it is to understand how to do the right thing. But even when everything is decided, the anxiety may not go away. We explain how the decision-making process works and whether it is worth relying on emotions.
The “Right Decision” Was Supposed To Bring Relief, But If I Feel Bad, Then I Was Wrong?
The fact is that the right decision is not the same as a pleasant one. We may feel bad and hurt, but that doesn’t mean we have to restore everything to its original state.
We are forced to make unpleasant decisions that cause difficult or conflicting emotions. They may be related to other people’s actions, such as when we choose to forgive those who have hurt us. Or when we’re trying to fix our own mistakes, like kicking a bad habit, quitting a job we don’t like, or getting out of a toxic relationship. And sometimes doing the right thing means going against your self-image. For example, when we link our future with one country but have to make a decision to move to another,
In each case, we are forced to choose how to be in this situation, and none of the options is simple or easy. It is logical that in such situations one does not feel joy; it is normal to feel terrible. The decision can change the future for the better, but right now it can be very bad.
We may experience sadness, anger, or guilt. We may worry about the opportunities that will be lost as a result of the choice. Leaving a relationship that no longer “works” may be the right decision, but the result is that you lose all the good that was there.
The right solution may also not be of immediate benefit. For example, if you stop smoking, you will experience not only withdrawal symptoms but also the absence of your usual method of dealing with stress. It will take time before you can replace it with one that is more adaptive.
But despite the lack of immediate benefit, it may be important for the future. The decision to quit smoking will help reduce your risk of cancer, and leaving toxic relationships will help you build a healthier and more secure future.
It is important to acknowledge your feelings and live them, and remember that the intensity of emotions will definitely decrease over time.
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Or Maybe I Made The Decision Then Based On Emotions Without Thinking Properly?
Most people are guided by intuition rather than rational arguments.
Scientists who study the decision-making mechanism (and these are psychologists, neuroscientists, and economists) have long come to the conclusion that in many cases we act irrationally. This means that we cannot always explain to ourselves why we act the way we do.
One explanation for why this is so is that we are driven by opposing forces. We make the choice “head” or “cold” or rationally or intuitively. These are parallel decision-making mechanisms that often conflict with each other, which Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman refers to as “System 1” and “System 2.”
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Book – Thinking, Fast and Slow Paperback – by
System 1 is used to perform routine actions (like pouring sugar into a coffee mug). System 2 turns on when something goes wrong (for example, when the sugar in the jar runs out). In the context of decision-making, System 1 pushes us to superficial conclusions and does not allow us to analyze the problem from all sides.
In a stressful situation, when there is little time to make a decision or System 2 is already overloaded, the automatic System 1 will win. Kahneman believed that it was she who pushed for the wrong decisions. Knowing these characteristics, when the stakes are high, Kahneman encourages learning to recognize situations in which there is a high probability of making a mistake and trying to be more attentive in a stressful situation.
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But that doesn’t mean that emotional decisions are necessarily bad. Emotions tell us important information about how we really feel and what we want. They can also warn us against unreasonable risks and regrets. If you ignore emotional signals, you can find yourself in a future that does not suit us at all.
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This means that you need to listen to both the “head” and the “heart.” Problems begin when we completely neglect one of the systems.
What If I’M Scared To Make A Decision?
It can be frightening and difficult to know what to do in a difficult situation. Anxiety affects our ability to make decisions, sometimes even completely paralyzing it.
Anxiety and panic reduce activity in the prefrontal cortex. This zone is involved in weighing the consequences, planning, and logical and rational thinking. Instead, they “ignite” the amygdala, the part of the limbic system that is responsible for pure impulses, instincts, and emotions (such as fear). This makes it difficult to sensibly assess the situation and see different options for the development of events.
It used to be thought that anxiety overloaded the brain by overstimulating it. A recent study claims that anxiety “turns off” certain connections, making it harder for the brain to weed out unnecessary information and make better decisions.
Decision-making requires cognitive resources and self-control. But when our cognitive abilities are reduced, emotions can override reason and have a stronger influence on the choices we make.
Remember that you are doing everything in your power based on the information that you have now.
Okay, Panic Is Understandable. So, How Can I Be Sure I been Doing The Right Thing?
Unlike mathematical problems, life equations do not always have the correct answer, and you can’t peep it anywhere. In a situation where you need to make a decision, there is nothing unambiguous. We can only hope that we will make the best choice possible and correctly calculate the consequences, gains, and losses. It is impossible to make an ideal decision—there are too many unknowns. However, you can choose which parameters to use to assess the decision’s correctness.
For example, you might ask yourself the following questions:
- How will my choice affect my plans for the future?
- Have all possible alternatives and options been considered?
- Am I knowledgeable enough to make an informed decision?
- Is this decision reversible?
- What advice would I give to a friend in the same situation?
Self-observations are also important: how did you make previous decisions and which of the important parameters they answered for you?
Remember that you are doing everything in your power based on the information that you have now. Even the wrong decision is not yet a disaster. It can still be turned to your advantage. Of course, every decision can be important. But life’s choices give us the opportunity to focus on what is truly valuable. If you focus on your values, in even the most difficult and unpredictable situation, you will be able to choose yourself.
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If it is difficult to understand what is more important, if it is not possible to overcome anxiety, or if it is even scary to approach the problem, you can always ask for help. A psychologist will help you listen to yourself and find a compromise between your “head” and “heart,” and will support you if, after an important life decision, it is difficult and not very clear how to live with it.
