FOMO is when you are afraid to miss something important. At the same time, everything seems important: Camping on the lake , A trip to the grandmother’s country house, Meeting a friend at the airport and submitting a work report.
And it seems important because everyone around seems to have done everything, but you didn’t.
In the previous part of this article, we discussed where the fear of falling behind in life comes from. Here we share tips on how to deal with FOMO. Or at least make the fear a little less.
1. Make Sure You Always Get Things Done (Or Not)
When there is time for key activities, you do not worry so much if you miss out on something else less significant. For example, you give your best at work, visit your parents once a month and learn to play the ukulele for half an hour in the evening. If these three things are your priorities, then you are unlikely to be bothered by other people’s dates, weddings, hiking and playing sports.
Over time, priorities may change. Maybe you decided to throw all your energy into your career two years ago. Now you have grown to the head of the department and feel that you lack communication. Trips to my parents once a month are no longer satisfactory, and I want to restore relations with old friends.
Review your priorities. Do this in any way convenient for you: keep a diary, talk into a voice recorder, talk with loved ones, and consult a psychologist. Check your internal compass as often as you need to. No one will tell you how many diary entries you must make per month.
Mia makes a list of everything she thinks is important. Career comes first – Mia feels happy when she completes large and complex projects that initially seemed overwhelming. The second point is sports. Mia loves morning runs and workouts. She likes to admire the relief abs in the mirror.
Mia then looks at her schedule. Over the past month, she appeared in the gym only once and took time off three times – she went on a rafting trip, an excursion and a festival. Because of this, Mia had to cede a major client to a colleague. Mia feels she has a busy life but pays little attention to what matters most. Mia decides to talk to her supervisor about how she has outgrown her position. She also agrees with the coach about the lesson on Monday.
2. Use Your Desires As A Filter
Thursday, you are planning the weekend. You can go to the market, visit your grandmother in the country, go glamping, buy cheap tickets to Sochi, or hang out at home with Netflix. All these events seem to be very attractive. And it seems that all of them do not fit in two days. To understand which option is best, ask yourself two questions: “What do I want right now?” and “How do I want to do it?”. Start with these questions and go through all the possible scenarios.
Maybe you spent the last month on business trips and almost did not communicate with your family. You are tired and feel that you will not pull an active weekend. Most of all, you want to sleep and chill with your family. Sochi, glamping and the market, no matter how cool they are, this time disappear. The country house and Netflix remain.
At the country house, there is a bath, river and a grandmother. Grandmother will listen with sympathy to what difficult tasks you solve at work, bake pancakes and hand over a bowl of berries. There is a new detective series on Netflix. The promotion will bring the third pizza for free in your favourite delivery. Imagine both scenarios in detail and choose the most appropriate right now.
3. List All The Good And Important Things In Your Life (That’s All, Really)
FOMO is about focusing on what is missing or lacking. To shift your perspective, make a big list of all the good things in your life that you’re good at. You will get a set of your skills, happy moments and reasons for gratitude.
Maybe you didn’t take a storytelling course in Mexico this summer. Still, you had a wonderful weekend with friends in California and finally learned to ride a bike. You also saved up for a cool laptop that you have long dreamed of, and your loved one did not leave you a single step while you were lying with a temperature. Such a list is joyful to make and reread.
Noah writes a list and remembers how he and his friends made a superb trip around the cities of the Black Sea coast. The next item Noah records yesterday’s voice from a colleague – she believes Noah deserves a promotion like no other and is proud of his success. Noah also warms the soul with an invitation to the wedding of a school friend – soon, Noah will go to his hometown to see his family and classmates.
Noah hangs the list over the table. Maybe he has to give up something in favour of work, but now he sees many joyful events in his life that are associated with loved ones.
4. You Should Not Be Aware Of What Is Happening In The Lives Of All Your Acquaintances.
The flow of news about what is happening in the lives of others adds to the anxiety. If a colleague regularly reports on Instagram that they’ve been to five fashion parties in a night and you notice that you’re pissed off or upset, don’t hesitate to hide the photo from your feed. After some time, your colleague’s posts may stop annoying you, and you will again follow him on social networks. In the meantime, this will be a way to reduce anxiety.
Mia makes twelve videos for Noah on Telegram and promises more coming soon. Noah is grateful to Mia but feels it distracts him from his work. Noah turns off notifications to focus on the presentation. He texts Mia that he will watch the video and reply to the messages in the evening when he gets things done.
5. Imagine Talking To A Stranger
Imagine that the phrases with which you goad yourself are spoken to you by an outsider. How would you feel if a stranger said, “You have to read six books a month” or “Vasya got his second degree, and you are still sitting”? Would you like to follow this advice? Why believe what this stranger says?
Replace critical phrases with supportive ones: “It’s a shame to miss the corporate party, but yesterday it was the right decision. My head was pounding so hard that it probably wouldn’t have been fun. This is definitely not the last party. I’m good at taking care of myself.”
6. Choose The Best Over The Best
It can take hours and days to find the most efficient course, the most atmospheric hotel, and the most entertaining movie tonight. I want to know which is the best option. And the best can be found only through comparison – it is impossible to understand which apples are sweeter until you try them all. Therefore, it turns out that the choice of a movie lasts longer than the movie itself.
Try to get out of this trap – stop at what suits your needs. Warm Saturday evenings happen not only on the newest verandas. It can be just as tasty and fun at the country house of parents or in the kitchen of friends.
Mia is no longer upset that she went to the festival instead of staying in San Francisco. The weekend was wonderful – she spent time with friends, replenished the playlist with new songs and moved a lot. Mia returns home in a good mood and with a clear head. She is grateful that she finally decided to deal with the work and is sure that the conversation with her boss will go well.
Friends may sympathize with Noah spending the weekend at home, but he no longer doubts his choice. Noah tells himself that he’s done well – he was entrusted with a big project that Noah could only dream of a year ago. And trips with friends will definitely be in Noah’s life.
If you are experiencing FOMO, you can talk to a psychologist. Talk to a specialist – Here: you need to fill out a short questionnaire. The service selects only professionals with whom they are confident. If a psychologist doesn’t work for you, that’s okay – try another one.
