The very posing of the question, the very fact of its origin inside you, suggests that a psychotherapist is most likely needed. We all carry unlived conflicts, and when they escalate, we begin to experience a vague excitement expressed, among other things, in such matters.
However, it is a philosophy. Take it out of the brackets. You can highlight several specific signs that will help you understand that the help of a psychotherapist at least will not hurt.
We note right away that we are not talking about clinical cases – people diagnosed with depression or some disorder – but about urban neurotics sung by Woody Allen, about those who seem to be doing fine, but something is still bothering them.
Constant Feelings of Guilt
Imagine a simple situation – your boss calls you. You don’t know why and on what issue, but everything shrinks inside you, and you begin to convulsively think about what exactly you were guilty of.
Or, let’s put it this way – you sort things out with your partner. Still, you immediately get lost because he convinces you in two or three sentences that your position has no right to exist and that you are to blame (again).
If these situations are familiar to you, a psychotherapist can be very helpful because you have a strong sense of guilt and inadequacy.
Agree. It would be interesting to figure out where it came from.
Trust Your Feelings: The Power and Wisdom of Tuning Into Your Inner Voice
The Feeling That You Are Doing The Wrong Thing
… And also that your partner is not like that, the job is not the same, the apartment is somehow not like that, and that, in general, you live someone else’s rented life.
All this is a symptom of a situation as old as the world, in which parents hang a lot of their expectations on the child, and then he feels obliged to fulfill them.
These expectations are ingrained so deeply that they become part of the personality. A person can only sometimes understand why he works as a lawyer, even though he has had a strong inclination towards graphic design all his life.
Constant Procrastination
This has been discussed over the past few years, but no one has said the essential thing: procrastination is not a problem but a symptom. This is not a flu virus you can catch on public transport and then recover from, but some permanent condition caused by a malfunction in the mental structure. Making to-do lists, time management, or simple willpower will not help here. Procrastination means you either do not see the point in what you are doing (see the previous paragraph) or carry a prohibition on successful activities.
But what does the ban mean?
You know that parents and children have a unique and very strong bond. You also understand that breaking this connection can be very painful for them. Remember when your mother told you as a child not to go too far or put it down if it’s too heavy or too hard for you?
It was caused by the desire to ensure your safety and the fear of allowing you to be independent, let go of yourself, and lose you forever. This fear is placed in you and leads to the fact that any action that can lead to separation from your parents (read: any manifestation of independence) is perceived as undesirable or even dangerous. And when you once again sit down for a marketing plan or are about to get a car license, the same cry is heard in your unconscious – do not go too far.
Feelings of Anxiety and Fear
Let’s ignore the extreme cases expressed in panic attacks (we need a psychotherapist) and focus on ordinary anxiety. For example, before an important meeting. Or before a date. Or before going to a party. It would seem – what is it? Well, I’m worried, yes. I can not connect two words in a conversation with a stranger. Well, I’m just shy. It’s even cute to some extent.
All this is so. However, try asking yourself a simple question. What exactly is causing you concern? You may be afraid of not being as cool as you would like. And why is it important to you to be incredible – so important that your hands are shaking? And why does this desire haunt you always and everywhere? Why has it become a part of your life?
Relationship Problems
You fall in love but lose interest once you realize the feelings are mutual. You tend to choose emotionally unavailable partners. Your sympathies are always directed towards those who are already in a relationship. If you fall in love, there should be no secrets or boundaries between you and the object of love. You should immediately merge into one radiant whole and then live happily and forever.
There may be many options, but the meaning is always the same – an unresolved childhood conflict you are trying to reproduce in adulthood. If the boy had an emotionally unavailable mother, then he would choose the same woman – and if by a happy mistake he happens to meet someone who will be ready to love him truly, he will run away from her in two weeks because he has no experience of life in love and emotional connection.
Suppose a girl grew up in a family from which her father left. In that case, her relationships with men may be associated with pain and rejection. To insure herself against them, she will choose only those men who are initially incapable of them – married, immature, or foreigners. (Note: this formulation seemed to many readers too general, unnatural, and, in general, unfair. We want to stipulate that everything said is not the rule of life but is one of the possible examples of the work of the unconscious, which does not obey logic and thinks and is married, immature, and foreigners as symbolic representations of the absent father).
There are a million options. But, you see, it is interesting to understand which one is yours.
Pathological Dissatisfaction with Your Appearance
No, no, it’s completely normal – from time to time, I look in the mirror and think I have gained weight. However, if this thought haunts you relentlessly, if, as it often happens, it diverges from reality (and we all know people who look great but at the same time experience a lot of complexes), then this means that someone has planted a strong self-dissatisfaction. Who exactly? What for? Why?
Excessive Irritability
You are pissed off by a person walking ahead of you too slowly. You can’t sleep because your sleeping partner is breathing too loudly. You roll your eyes when your mom calls.
All this speaks of a huge amount of aggression that has accumulated inside you and does not find its natural outlet. Where did she come from? We do not know. Talk to a psychotherapist about this.
