Coping with Infidelity: Moving Forward after a Partner Cheats

Partner Is Cheating On Me

Lisa and Michael have been together for 6 years – since high school. Lisa values ​​this relationship very much. Michael is famously joking, doesn’t let you lift weights, and supports Lisa when she doubts herself.

Lisa is waiting for her friend in the parking lot. Nearby, a pretty fair-haired girl says goodbye to a tall man in a gray suit. When he looks up, Lisa suddenly realizes it’s Michael. He smiles at the girl and whispers something in her ear. Lisa cannot move – it seems that her whole life has collapsed.

Matthew and Olivia got married two years ago. At first, everything was fine, but lately, Olivia has been sad and annoyed for many reasons. Matthew attributed everything to the fact that Olivia was unhappy with her job – she said several times that she wanted to quit and do something else. Matthew has no time to figure out what’s going on – he was recently promoted to the head of the department, so he spends all his time in the office.

The other day, Olivia admitted that she had feelings for another person and wanted to leave. Matthew is shocked. He is angry with his wife and feels like a failure.

Dealing with partner infidelity is not easy. You have to deal with anger, resentment, sadness, and other feelings that cannot be experienced in one day. And you also need to get used to the fact that the old relationship no longer exists. We tell you how to help yourself if you find out about cheating.

Trust Your Feelings: The Power and Wisdom of Tuning Into Your Inner Voice

Partner Is Cheating On Me

Don’t Throw Your Partner’s Things From The Balcony Immediately After You Learned About Cheating

Matthew is furious – how could Olivia do this to him? He grabs Olivia’s favorite vase – he wants to break it so that Olivia feels at least a part of the pain that he is now experiencing.

Before you break all the dishes in the house or pack your bags, ask yourself: what do I really want? If you are leaving because you can only come to your senses in solitude, then leave. And if you want your partner to get scared and try to keep you, stop and think: why do you want to act impulsively. Imagine how you would feel if events did not develop according to your scenario.

Matthew counts to ten, puts the vase back in place, and rinses himself with cold water. He feels bad and does not yet know how to help himself – if a broken vase makes him feel better, then not for long. He doesn’t want to turn his conversation with Olivia into a melodrama scene. Matthew takes the car keys and goes to the forest to shout. After the trip, the pain has not disappeared, but Matthew no longer wants to ruin everything.

Talk to a Partner

Lisa can’t think of anything else but cheating. When did it all start? What is this girl? Lisa imagines Michael stealthily texting her in the bathroom, asking her out, and stroking her hair.

The day before yesterday, Michael returned from work two hours later than usual. And a week ago, I flew on an unplanned business trip. Lisa goes through situations in her head that now seem suspicious. Doubt eats away at her.

The person who finds out about the betrayal of a partner is tormented by questions and speculation. To deal with emotions, you need to clarify the facts. Talking openly with a partner can be painful, but it can relieve tension. Describe what you saw or heard. Tell me how you felt then and how you feel now. Do not blame your partner – talk only about yourself and your feelings.

At home that evening, Lisa told Michael that she was worried about something and would like to discuss it. She confesses that she saw him with another girl. Michael jumps up and walks to the far corner of the room. Lisa continued: “Then, I was in a lot of pain in the car. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I need to figure out what happened.”

Michael senses that Lisa will not lash out at him with accusations. He does not need to defend himself. You can talk openly. Anya is his new colleague. It all started at a corporate party a month ago. They slept a couple of times. Lisa is hurt to hear this, but she feels relieved. She sees that Michael speaks honestly – finally, everything is on the surface.

Let Feelings Out

The next day, Matthew takes the day off – he cannot communicate with colleagues and clients. Matthew is mad at Olivia – she ruined everything. He also blames himself – if he had asked more often why Olivia was sad, things could have been different.

A person who has learned about a partner’s betrayal is overwhelmed by emotions. When there are many feelings, and they are all strong, it may seem that you are completely in their power. Do not try to deal with everyone at once – begin to carefully unravel the tangle. Listen to yourself: what do you feel, and what do you want right now? Are you sad? Ashamed? Are you angry? Then move on to action.

Release the Anger

Take ten sheets of paper and write on each word you want to call your partner. Do not be shy in expressions – you have the right to be angry. Roll each sheet several times and tear it into small pieces. Activities that require physical effort help express aggression.

Another way to deal with anger is to buy fifty plastic cups, arrange them around you, and forcefully pop each one. One glass – one word to the partner.

Harnessing Emotional Intelligence for Healthy Relationships

Partner Is Cheating On Me

Admit Guilt

If you blame yourself for not being attentive enough or giving your partner little time, say so. Perhaps he does not, and you will stop winding yourself up. And if the partner really lacked something, you can offer a way to fix it. Of course, only if you want to keep the relationship.

Don’t Fight Sadness

Change is not the end of everything. But the pain caused by your partner’s actions will likely stay with you. It’s okay to grieve that you’ve lost trust in a relationship. No one expects you to live through such an event in half a day, leave your partner and cheerfully enter into a relationship with a more worthy one. Not at all.

Do not hold back if you want to cry: tears help to throw out heavy feelings that are difficult to talk about. Remember, did you feel better after you cried? Did you feel that tears worked as a pain reliever?

Matthew stands surrounded by papers and crumpled cups. He feels he cannot tidy up and realizes he has no strength for anything else. Matthew doesn’t usually cry, but now he’s alone and in pain. He begins to sob, and he manages to stop only after half an hour. Now it’s easier for him.

Matthew writes a big message to Olivia: “I understand that I gave you less time than you wanted. Maybe I wasn’t there when it mattered to you. I did not support them when there were problems at work. I want to fix it. How do you feel about it? Let’s go on a date and discuss everything?

Olivia writes to Matthew that she does not want to discuss anything and attend a meeting. Matthew feels bad, but at least they talked—the guilt doesn’t weigh on him as much anymore.

Reach Out to Those Around You

After talking with Michael, Lisa wakes up completely broken. She cannot believe that all this happened to them – what about the dreams of a big family and a house with a dog? Lisa is crying again.

Cheating is a serious shock that is not easy to deal with alone. Feel free to ask for support – the one you need right now. Tell your loved ones directly how they can help you. Do you want to be listened to? Did you give advice? Did you sit around? Or confirmed that the partner is an idiot?

Lisa calls Natasha her best friend. Natasha brings her favorite cheesecake, puts the kettle on, and covers Lisa with a blanket. Two hours later, Lisa feels like she’s finally spoken out. She still hurts but is not alone – it makes her feel better.

Find People With Similar Experiences

The brother, whom Matthew told about the betrayal, assures him that Matthew will find another instantly. And a close friend pats me on the shoulder and reminds me that everything is always for the best. Matthew is grateful for their support but would like to talk to someone who has experienced infidelity.

You are definitely not the first and not the only person who has been cheated on. A partner’s infidelity is faced by the same men and women as you – smart, successful, and attractive Olivian. Their stories will help you understand that you are not alone in your experiences and talking about betrayal is not a shame.

Matthew registers on an anonymous forum where cheating is discussed. Alex2008’s story is reminiscent of his own – one morning, his wife packed up and went to another. This was the impetus for change – it was not easy to deal with mutual accusations and claims, but now he and his wife are together again. But Max_1 failed to save the marriage. But now he knows he can cope with any shock – psychotherapy helped.

Matthew understands that there are not so few people who find themselves in a similar situation. If they survived the betrayal, so can he. Matthew decides to sign up for a psychologist.

Partner Is Cheating On Me

Write What Else Is Or Was In Your Relationship

Every day, Lisa replays the meeting between Michael and Anya in her head. Betrayal seems to her like a huge black cloud that has spread and covered her whole life.

Infidelity with a partner is difficult, painful, and sad. But your relationships and your life are not limited to her. Try to look at cheating as one of the difficulties any couple faces. Take a piece of paper and describe your relationship with your partner. What was good about them? And what – not so much? Why did you choose this person? What do you value most about it? How has your relationship changed since the first meeting?

If you are still with your partner, invite him to do this exercise together. So you look at the situation from both sides. Or talk about the relationship with a therapist who will guide and ask questions. It may turn out that betrayal will be the impetus for change – it will allow you to get to know your partner better and take the relationship to a new level.

Lisa plunges into memories. For two years, he and Michael met at a distance. It wasn’t easy, but they did it. Michael never forgot her birthday or their anniversary. Lisa always felt: what was important to her was important to him. The black cloud has not dissipated, but here and there, pieces of the blue sky are now visible: in relation to Michael, there is something to fight for and rely on.

Lisa also understands that lately, they have begun to talk less than before. Recently, Michael changed jobs – it turns out that Lisa does not even know his new colleagues by name. Lisa invites Michael to do this exercise together, and he agrees. It turned out that he felt that for several weeks now, Lisa had often been busy and pushed him away. This does not justify his actions, but he seems to have become uninteresting to her. Michael regrets the betrayal and wants to keep the relationship. Lisa offers to go to couples therapy, and Michael agrees.

Give Yourself Time

Two months have passed. Matthew’s pain had dulled a little, but it hadn’t gone away. Matthew thinks he’s weak because he still can’t get over it.

Living infidelity is a complex process. Don’t expect to be back to your normal life in a couple of weeks as if Nothing had happened. Listen to your needs – get enough sleep, indulge yourself with your favorite food, and take a vacation if possible.

Build on your successes in other areas. Yes, things are not going smoothly in the relationship right now. But you still go to the gym three times a week or recently got a big client. Life goes on even after such events.

Matthew spends weekends in nature – walking, breathing air, and going fishing. Sometimes he still thinks that no one appreciates him – then Matthew remembers how recently he was given a bonus in the amount of his salary. And colleagues also offered to take on some of the tasks while he dealt with personal problems.

Matthew had already had two sessions with a psychologist. He learns to rely on himself and the people around him. While Matthew finds it hard to trust people again, he doesn’t rush himself. In the specialist’s office, he often repeats: “Nothing. get better.”

You can find a psychologist at Online-Therapy: you must fill out a short questionnaire. This service has only confident professionals. If a psychologist doesn’t suit you, that’s fine – they will offer another.

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