There is nothing wrong with wanting to do everything perfectly, give everything one hundred percent, always look great and never make mistakes. Or is there? We will analyze why perfectionism is dangerous, and how to accept yourself as you are, with all imperfections.
In short: perfectionism can motivate, but in large doses it can be very harmful.
What is Perfectionism
Perfectionism is the desire to always and everywhere be perfect. It is accompanied by inflated standards in relation to oneself, others and the world. Usually, we associate increased demands with positive qualities – diligence, diligence, activity. In general, the things for which we are usually praised by parents, teachers and bosses. However, high standards very often work against us, causing feelings of depression, shame, or guilt when we (inevitably) fall short of them.
Consider, for example, the following beliefs:
- In any business, you need to achieve brilliant results
- Everyone needs to achieve something in life
These phrases can sound like motivating statements. But they are not far from harsh and cruel conclusions that can be critical for self-awareness and self-esteem:
- If I do not do everything perfectly right away, then I am not good
- for anything If I have not achieved anything outstanding, then my life has failed
This already thinking “All or nothing”: any business must be done flawlessly – or not at all. Mistake means failure, and no “weakness” should be shown. Such destructive perfectionist attitudes can lead to numerous problems.
For example:
- Chronic unpleasant experiences
A person feels dissatisfaction with himself, longing due to the inability to realize unrealistic goals, anxiety in the constant expectation of failure.
- A state of paralysis
A perfectionist forbids himself any result, except for the ideal. In practice, this approach can often end up wasting time, procrastinating and ultimately doing nothing.
- Reduced productivity and fatigue
A person cannot single out priority tasks and strives to follow his high standards in all areas (for example, give everything one hundred percent at work, and clean the house every day, and see friends regularly, and also read 20 books a month and play sports) .
- Relationship problems
Due to excessive demands and expectations from others, perfectionists often clash or break off communication. They are more likely to build competitive relationships with people and experience a lack of close and trusting relationships.
As the American psychologist Brené Brown writes in his book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, perfectionism leads to exactly those emotions that we seek to protect ourselves from with it: “Perfectionism is the belief that if we live, look and behave perfectly, this can protect us from pain , guilt, condemnation and shame, or help to avoid them altogether. It is a shield that we carry everywhere with us, hoping that it will save us from troubles, but this only prevents us from taking off.”
Perfectionism is the belief that if we live, look, and behave perfectly, it can protect us from pain, guilt, judgment, and shame.
The Art of Emotional Restitution: A Healing Journey for the Soul
An Epidemic of Perfectionism
The authors of a meta-analysis (coverage – 40,000 students, 146 studies from 1989 to 2016) write that we are now witnessing an “epidemic of perfectionism.” They concluded that millennials are much more prone to perfectionism than previous generations. At the same time, gender differences were not found: both men and women equally suffer from this problem.
Scientists suggest that this is due to tighter control by the family. Controlling and critical parents stimulate the development of perfectionism in children. Unattainable standards are formed in a child if they are constantly dissatisfied. He strives to do everything perfectly, not only to avoid the disapproval of others but also to accept himself. At the same time, increasingly incredible achievements are required for self-acceptance, and the feeling of “enough of me” never comes.
The Internet is also making a significant contribution. We live in a world of social networks that have won, where we are constantly in the mode of comparing ourselves with others. Social networks broadcast unrealistically ideal lives and unattainable standards of perfection that negatively affect how we perceive ourselves.
According to scientists, perfectionism is a serious and even deadly phenomenon, such unrealistic standards harm mental health including Problems associated with perfectionism depression, anxiety, eating disorders, personality disorders, sexual disorders, and suicidal behavior. In addition, perfectionists are more prone to burnout.
Perfectionism in Sport: The Unseen Opponent
Is Perfectionism Always Bad?
Some researchers distinguish between two forms of perfectionism – “healthy” (adaptive) and “neurotic” (non-adaptive). If in the first case, perfectionist standards energize and motivate to achieve, then in the second case they suppress a person and can lead to various disorders.
| “Healthy” perfectionism | Perfectionism 🚩🚩🚩 |
|
|
In the long run, however, the positive impact of perfectionism diminishes. Scientists note that such a worldview still leads a person to a feeling of depression and hopelessness.
How to Deal With Perfectionism
The “antidote” to unhealthy perfectionism is acceptance. To truly realize their potential, a person needs to accept their limitations. You need to try to realize what is realistically achievable for you, and what goals are unrealistic. No one is perfect – this is the “base” from which we all have to build. But this is not a tragedy – it is imperfection that makes us unique, and everyone has the right to make mistakes or fail.
Following techniques can help you deal with perfectionism:
Dealing with Mistakes
When an important exam, a critical deadline, or a big project presentation at work approaches, perfectionists see it mostly as an opportunity to screw up. They are afraid that if they do not do everything perfectly, then their weakness will become obvious to everyone. In such cases, you need to try to shift the focus from what can go wrong to what can be learned in the process and as a result. It is important to see even in mistakes an opportunity for development, to realize that even if they happen, this is not a disaster.
“Do Bad”
Perfectionists often procrastinate because you can’t screw up on a task you never got started on. If you tend to procrastinate when you need to get started on an important and difficult task, try allowing yourself to do it poorly. If you are still “ashore” to give up high standards, this will help get off the ground and create an intermediate result – a draft, which can then be finalized.
Focusing on the Important
It is impossible to be a superhuman 24/7 and be in time for absolutely everything and everywhere. This only leads to overwork, burnout and reduced productivity. Therefore, psychologists advise choosing one or two priority areas of activity where it is important not to lower the bar, and allow yourself to be imperfect in everything else. For example, you can choose work and family, and devote time and energy to everything else according to the residual principle.
Unlock Your True Potential: 10 Powerful Affirmations for Perfectionists to Embrace Progress
If you can’t deal with perfectionism on your own, seek help. A psychologist will help you become aware of destructive beliefs and high standards, find a way to cope with them and learn to accept yourself.
