We often hear how important self-esteem is. It is customary to blame low self-esteem for all problems, and without high self-esteem, nothing good can be achieved in life. Let’s look at why it is so important to perceive yourself positively, what it generally means, and how to understand if you need to do something with self-esteem.
What Self-Esteem is
Self-esteem is one of the most frequently studied variables in psychology. Despite this, disputes about its nature, meaning, and mechanisms have continued. Most self-esteem researchers could subscribe to the definition: “I can’t tell you what it is, but I measure it, and it works.”
Psychology has tried to define self-esteem in different ways. The term was first used in 1890 by William James, often called the father of modern psychology. He believed that self-esteem results from achievement divided by our expectations of ourselves. The creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers, believed: the closer the way a person would like to see himself (ideal self), the higher his self-esteem. Abraham Maslow included self-esteem in his “Hierarchy of Human Needs”. In his opinion, it precedes self-actualization – the realization of all human talents in life.
Now self-esteem is perceived as the most important psychological resource of a person. In its most general form, this is a subjective assessment of one’s value and importance. There are many classifications of self-esteem. The most common division by level is high and low self-esteem. They also distinguish between adequate (healthy) and inadequate self-esteem – depending on how realistic a person evaluates himself.
Crafting Your Path to Success: The Goal is to be Self Made
What Influences Self-Esteem
In general, psychologists agree that this is an unstable value. It can change daily (and, for some, almost every hour).
Research shows that approximately 50% of our personality and sense of self-worth result from hereditary factors. The second half is the influence of the environment. This includes parenting styles, how our relationships develop with other people, education, income, and career path.
Self-esteem is most influenced by the following:
Occupations and Social Roles
Self-esteem includes our overall and particular self-image and how we perform in a particular area or activity. The more important this area is for us, the more our successes or failures affect our overall assessment. For example, it will be more painful for an excellent student to fail an exam than for someone who does not attach much importance to studying.
Age and experience
Changes in self-esteem also depend on age. Self-esteem is least stable in childhood, but the greatest fluctuations are seen in adolescence – when a person goes through various dramatic changes but has yet to develop the psychological stability to cope with them successfully. For example, adolescents who develop faster can boost self-esteem, while those who enter puberty more slowly than their peers can get the opposite. Like other personality traits, self-esteem reaches a stable and sustainable level in adulthood.
Self-beliefs
In cognitive behavioral therapy, low self-esteem results from negative self-beliefs such as “I’m a loser” or “I don’t deserve anything good.” Such beliefs are not born; they develop depending on life experience. As a rule, this is due to how other people treat us, especially when we grow up.
The most common experiences that lead to low self-esteem are:
- Physical punishment or neglect in childhood. We have written about how corporal punishment affects children. Children may learn from this experience that they are “bad” and deserve to be treated.
- Lack of praise, warmth, and love. Low self-esteem can develop without any specific traumatic experience. This may be the result of a deficiency. When we lack the confidence that we are loved, appreciated, and accepted no matter what, we may feel that we are not good enough.
- Failure to meet the expectations of others. Feelings, like we’re not good enough can also arise if we don’t “live up” to the standards of our parents or other significant people. At the same time, no matter how realistic or fair these requirements are, it is precisely the fact that we do not comply with them that “gets stuck”.
- Failure to fit in. Belonging to a group is very important – it is inherent in us by evolution. Being “different,” especially during adolescence, when identities are formed and especially vulnerable, can have a powerful effect on self-esteem.
Evaluation by Others
How we evaluate our worth depends largely on what others think of us. Self-esteem rises when we are appreciated and falls when we are rejected. Scientists have studied how the brain perceives social feedback and found out what is more important to us, what kind of attitude we expect, and not the assessment itself from others.
For the study, 40 participants received social feedback while in an MRI scanner. They could see 184 strangers rate their online profile with likes and dislikes. The participants needed to learn what their algorithm, developed by scientists, was evaluating. The “strangers” were divided into groups, so the participants expected a positive assessment from some and a negative one from others. After receiving the assessment, participants reported their level of self-esteem.
When a participant expected a “stranger” to like but received a dislike instead, self-esteem suffered the most. This forecasting error—the difference between expected and actual feedback—had the biggest impact on self-esteem.
Why Evaluate Yourself?
Only recently, it was not very clear why evolution needed to develop in humans, a fundamental need to hold a positive view of themselves.
From the point of view of evolutionary psychologists, the answer lies in a basic human need to form stable bonds and be part of a group, which increases the chances of survival. And self-esteem here is a critical indicator of social acceptance. Low self-esteem is a warning: there is a risk of social isolation, and the relationship needs to be repaired. Inaction can increase rejection from others, leading to worse relationships and self-esteem. Taking action can increase the chances of finding a potential partner or social status and self-esteem. This theory explains why social feedback, which tells us whether we are accepted or rejected, significantly affects our self-perception.
Another theory of the emergence of self-esteem is philosophical. She views self-esteem as one of the psychological defense mechanisms against the fear of death. We build a picture of the world to provide ourselves with stability and meaning. And a person’s self-esteem at an individual level protects him from anxiety. It depends on the feeling that his attitude and values are correct. This theory explains why people with high self-esteem tend to suffer less from anxiety.
Understanding and Overcoming the Risk for Situational Low Self-Esteem: A Comprehensive Guide
Why is Self-Esteem So Important?
Self-esteem affects the decision-making process, relationships, emotional state, and the overall quality of a person’s life. And also on motivation: the desire to develop and try new things depends on the opinion about one’s abilities. If self-esteem is low, then the fear of failure may be stronger.
There is also a version that self-esteem protects our mental health from failures. People with higher self-esteem have a greater margin of psychological resilience. Research confirms that people with higher self-esteem are more likely to deal with mistakes or rejections from others and recover more quickly. Low self-esteem is a risk factor for depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation.
Numerous studies confirm that high self-esteem helps to succeed in various areas of life. People who rate themselves highly are better at expressing themselves and more satisfied with their relationships. In addition, they tend to have better mental and physical health. Also, high self-esteem prevents antisocial behavior. These results are confirmed for different age and ethnic groups, as well as for men and women.
Research has shown that high self-esteem is also associated with the following:
- professional success
- healthy social relationships
- positive peer perception
- academic achievement
- perseverance in the face of setbacks
- improved self-regulation and coping skills
The “dark side” of High Self-esteem
Some researchers note that high self-esteem needs to be distinguished from overpriced. People with inflated self-esteem may overestimate their abilities and believe that success is guaranteed to them by definition. Real skills or capabilities may not back their belief in themselves. They may also consider themselves ideal, refuse to change their behavior, and admit mistakes. This can interfere with building relationships with people.
Also, several scientists consider narcissism an extreme manifestation of self-esteem. They describe narcissism as the “dark side” of high self-esteem. However, other scientists disagree with them: in this case, narcissists with low self-esteem should not exist in nature. However, studies show that such people are equally likely to have low and high self-esteem. The narcissist may be insecure and deal with this through overcompensation, showing their superiority.
According to research, people with narcissism and those with high self-esteem have differences in how they perceive themselves and relate to others. That is, these are different personality traits that practically do not intersect.
High self-esteem | Narcissism |
|
|
What is Dangerous Low Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem tend to downplay their abilities and doubt their decisions. They may be afraid to try new things in life because they don’t believe they can achieve their goals. Also, they may have problems in relationships: it is difficult for them to say what they need and to defend their boundaries. Such people are insecure and feel unworthy of love.
Mastering Emotional Alchemy: How to Set Boundaries as an Empath in 5 Easy Steps
Checklist of self-esteem problems:
- Distrust of one’s own opinion (others always understand better)
- Fear of voicing their opinions or ideas, lack of confidence in them
- Fear of difficulties – it seems that they will never be able to overcome them
- The feeling of failure due to it is not possible to achieve what you want (even if it’s not a realistic goal)
- Being overly strict with yourself, often unhealthy perfectionism
- Emotional exhaustion
- A tendency to go to extremes: either work hard or barely make an effort
- Avoid interaction with people
- Painful attitude to criticism
Unlock Your True Potential: 10 Powerful Affirmations for Perfectionists to Embrace Progress
Check Your
The Self-Esteem The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (RSES) was developed in 1965 by American sociologist Morris Rosenberg to determine the level of self that is most often used. Despite the solid age of the scale, it is still the most common self-esteem scale in the world.
Key elements of healthy self-esteem:
- Confidence in yourself, your qualities, and your abilities.
- a sense of security
- an identity
- a feeling of belonging
- a feeling of competence
- caring for oneself and one’s interests
- self-respect
- self-respect
- understanding one’s abilities and limitations
- the ability to relate to oneself and others
- realistic expectations
- understanding one’s needs and the ability to express them
How to Start Thinking About Yourself Better
It is important to remember that confidence cannot be achieved once and for all. Normally, we think better of ourselves on some days, and on others, we have difficulty. Also, temporary fluctuations can cause problems in relationships with people or trouble at work. Some people recover fairly quickly from blows to self-esteem, while others may need to work with a helping professional.
The volatility of self-esteem has a bright side – self-confidence can not only fall but also grow. Including you can carefully “grow” it yourself, but there is no universal recipe here. For someone, the most effective thing will be the opportunity to prove themselves in their favorite business or achieve some important results. For example, if you love running, you might improve your self-image by exercising regularly or participating in competitions. Other people may be overly concerned with negative beliefs about themselves, such as “I’m a failure” or “I don’t deserve anything good.” Then you need to start by tracking them and learning to replace them with more realistic ones, for example: “I have had several failures in my life, but this is not a sentence.”
“Believe You Can and You’re Halfway There”: The Essential Guide to Building Self-Confidence
Here are some more scientific tips on how you can work with your self-esteem.
Tip 1: Practice Self-Compassion
Unfortunately, we often hurt ourselves, even more when we have low self-esteem. We connect self-criticism and “kick” ourselves for the slightest mistakes.
- When something breaks, we think: “Well, of course, my hands are growing from the wrong place.”
- The relationship didn’t work out, so we sighed: “It was clear that everything would end like this, but I’m boring.”
- We made a mistake at work and wind ourselves up: “Well, that’s it, I’m definitely the worst employee of the month, and in general I will be fired soon.”
Critical thoughts do not help and make you feel even worse. It is necessary to track them and replace self-criticism with self-compassion – an attentive and caring attitude. In practice, this means treating yourself the same as the closest person. As soon as you catch yourself in critical thoughts, think about how you would support your loved one – and address the words of support to yourself.
When we are with ourselves, it is as if we receive advice and approval from someone close and important – and this gives us more strength.
It is not only how we think about ourselves that matters but also how we talk to ourselves. In the study, researchers asked half of the participants to positively talk to themselves in the first person (using the pronoun “I”) and the other half to talk to themselves in the first person. The latter reported feeling more confident and motivated. The researchers suggest that this is due to the fact that when we are with ourselves, it is as if we are receiving advice and approval from someone close and important – and this gives us more strength. So if you’ve ever said to yourself before an important job interview, “You can do it” or “You can!” you’re on the right track.
Conquering the Blues: How to Find Your Passion When You’re Depressed
Tip 2: Use Affirmations Properly
Positive affirmations like “I am going to be a huge success!” are incredibly popular. But ironically, they work for those who already have high self-esteem. And for those who have low self-esteem, it makes them think even worse about themselves. This is because these statements contradict what such people think about themselves. For affirmations to motivate, you need to follow the wording. It must be easier for you to believe in them. For example, “I’m going to be a huge success!” can be replaced with “I will not give up until I succeed!”.
More “in-depth” affirmations, reflecting on core values that influence our sense of self-worth, can also be helpful. For example, researchers asked participants to reflect on what was paramount for them in one study. There were eight values to choose from—creativity, relationships with family and friends, sense of humor, independence, making money, politics, religious values, and spontaneity. Participants reflected on past experiences associated with these values—and imagined the future. It turned out that thinking about values in the context of the future activates the reward system in the brain more strongly. Imagining future gatherings with loved ones can support more than remembering the past.
Embrace Positivity: Harness the Power of Affirmations for Mental Health
Many of us are happy to help others but find it difficult to seek help ourselves. We fear being rejected or seen as weak, unable to cope with life.
Tip 3: Help Yourself & Others
Helping others is good for you – it improves self-esteem and even physical health. At least that’s what Stephen Post, an American psychologist studying the connection between compassion, altruism, and happiness, has said for over twenty years. According to his research, “it’s good to be good”: the manifestation of mercy and participation in the lives of others gives a person a sense of significance and satisfaction. This effect is confirmed, for example, in studies on the treatment of depression and alcoholism and volunteering.
Breaking the Happiness Illusion: Unveiling the Real Path to Joy
Many of us are happy to help others but find it difficult to seek help ourselves. We fear being rejected or seen as weak, unable to cope with life. The cult of self-sufficiency often gets in the way of our relationships, although interaction with people is a necessary part of life. A sense of belonging and inclusion in the social system is fundamental, and stable self-confidence is impossible without a positive assessment from others.
That said, according to a recent series of studies, people tend to underestimate the willingness of others to help them grossly. Study participants had to ask strangers for help and, on average, underestimated the number of people agreeing to do so by 50%. In addition, they often avoided asking for help directly, making them less likely to receive it.
Difficulty with self-esteem is a good request for therapy. Do not be afraid to seek help: a psychologist will help you figure out what is behind your self-doubt and find inner support.