FOMO stands for fear of missing out – the fear of missing something. This is when it seems that others have a lot of cool events, and you stand still. We tell you where the fear of falling behind comes from and how to deal with it.
Mike is going to a music festival with his friends. Three days before leaving, Mike’s boss offers Mike a promotion – on the condition that Mike stays and takes on a task from an important client. Mike agrees – this is a cool opportunity. It seems to be happy, but Mike feels anxious. He sees off friends at the station, and he gets lonely – it seems he is missing something important.
Mary, Mike’s friend, promises to send many photos from the festival. Mary was looking forward to this trip, but now she is worried that she will waste time: while she is having fun, Mike is building a career. Mary gets on the train, and her mood deteriorates.
FOMO Is Experienced By People Even With The Most Vibrant And Eventful Lives
You may have FOMO if:
- You often worry that your life is not as bright and interesting as others. You are stressed by the news that someone got married, moved abroad, or visited a new trendy restaurant.
- It is difficult for you to choose – for example, to decide on plans for the weekend. You strive to be on time everywhere and get upset if it doesn’t work out.
- You constantly push yourself – go to a party even if you want to stay at home, or sign up for another training course to keep up with your colleagues.
On the part of FOMO, it often resembles the desire for self-development. The achievement culture reinforces the fear of missing something important – the one who does not sit still and is always in the know is successful. James, an Instagram businessman, is going to New York for training. Colleague Zoe writes that she read a book that changed her life. Classmate Emma posts stories from her run every morning. And then you see yourself: you brushed your teeth, drank coffee, you have a cat and three deadlines at work. It seems that this list of your events is all, so there is a strong desire to supplement it. How about throwing the last of your money into yoga classes and scheduling seven-weekend get-togethers with friends? Or at least take on the fourth deadline at work?
Embrace the Journey: A Comprehensive Guide to Walking Through Fear
Do You Really Need Vocal Lessons And Three Dates On One Saturday?
Maybe you really love being in the thick of things. Then everything is great. FOMO is not leading you. But also because of the oversaturation of life, one can experience anxiety and think: “Oh, how can I be in time for a course in public speaking tomorrow if there is still work and a doctor’s appointment.”
Ask yourself, “Why do I need this?”. This question will help you distinguish between FOMO and curiosity. Do you go to an Andy Warhol exhibition and buy Sorokin’s latest book because you’re interested? Or because everyone is in the subject, but you are not yet?
Mike tries to work but constantly thinks about the festival. It seems to him that he was overboard. While he is poring over the presentation, his friends enjoy a trip they will remember for a lifetime. At first, Mike was proud that he was finally recognized at work, but now he doubts whether he needs this promotion. So that’s how? Now, for the sake of a career, will you give up all life’s joys?
Why FOMO Appears
Here are the common reasons:
- You feel lonely. Meetings, trips and parties fill the inner void. However, when everything ends, loneliness returns again.
- You are strict with yourself. An inner voice keeps saying: “Until you take two more courses, you are not a professional at all.”
- Your self-esteem depends on external factors. He rested in New York and boasted on social networks – which means that he is popular and successful. Didn’t go to a bar because he didn’t feel well, which means he’s a loser.
- It’s hard for you to prioritize. You feel confused and don’t know what you really want. Stay longer at work or go home. Go to a birthday party or lie under the covers all Sunday.
- You are afraid of making the wrong choice. Fellow of FOMO – FOBO (fear of a better option). It’s the fear of missing out on the best option. It makes you worry that you will choose the wrong one and miss out on a better alternative. For example, you visit friends, although you could meet classmates. Because of the fear of missing out on the best, you don’t want to make any decisions.
Mary calls her sister and complains that the festival was not as fun as she expected: crowded people, dirty, unfamiliar songs. Mary is angry with herself for choosing some nonsense again. Looks like the weekend could have been better. It was necessary to stay in Moscow and work on a resume that Mary had been planning to update for a long time. Or at least go to a lecture on urban studies – they only talk about it on Instagram. Maybe you can still make it? Mary opens a site with airline tickets.
The sister reminds Mary that this is not the first time she has been unhappy with the weekend. So it was with a yoga tour, kayaking and a tour of New York skyscrapers. “You light up, get frustrated and immediately look for something else. And you constantly blame yourself for wasting time in vain. It’s like you’re running from something.”
Sometimes Fear Comes From The Past
Think about what you get when you plan twenty events for the weekend or agree to meet at a bar after a hard day at work. You may think that this is how you follow trends, have many friends, or live the best version of your life.
Thoughts or someone’s words that once became your guides can be hidden here. Maybe they laughed at you at school if you spent the weekend watching Harry Potter – they said that only losers with no friends sit at home. Ten years have passed, and you still think that on Saturday, you are supposed to party to the fullest – otherwise, everyone will think that something is wrong with you. Instead of staying under the blanket with a book and ordering pizza, you update your Instagram and look for where to go in the evening.
Mary tells her friends that she will join the party later – she wants to be alone and think about what her sister said. The trips and meetings with which Mary fills all her free time have not brought her pleasure for a long time, but sitting at home in silence seems even worse. Mary admits to herself that she is distracted from thoughts about her career in the company. She realizes she has reached the ceiling at work but pulls with the dismissal. A busy calendar and weekends are like painkillers – they cover up but do not solve the problem.
When FOMO Is Useful
Fear can highlight what matters to you. For example, you find out that a friend went to Altai for the weekend and ask yourself how you feel about it. It may turn out that you, too, are attracted to camping romance – now you know how you want to spend your next vacation.
Mike has always believed that there is nothing more important than a career. Once, he broke up with a girl to move to another city and get a higher job. Mike used to have no problem working weekends, but lately, he’s been feeling like he wants more. Every Saturday, he can’t decide what to do: meet a client at Zoom or meet friends at a bar. Mike feels like he’s missing out on interesting events and important dates. He flips through photos of Mary from the festival. He recalls how he recently watched a story from the anniversary of a close friend with the same longing. Seems like something needs to be changed.
If you’re worried about Mike, Mary, and your FOMO, read the second part of this article, How to Deal with the Fear of Missing Out. In it, we share tips on how to stop worrying that you don’t have such a bright life.
