People often feel that their lives will automatically get better when they move to another country. But often not everything is so rosy. Every day you have to deal with a language barrier, new incomprehensible rules and longing for loved ones. And most of the problems and complexes moved with you.
What Emotions Does Moving Cause
Immigrants in different periods of adaptation often experience anxiety, fear, anger or disappointment.
In his native country, a person knows how to communicate, where to turn for help and who to rely on if support is needed. It’s not the same after the move. It seems that control over the situation is lost, there is no one to wait for help from, others behave incomprehensibly and do not accept the immigrant.
Sometimes the fear is so strong that a person cannot even go outside. But if the immigrant is aware of what emotions he is experiencing, he can quickly find a way to help himself.
For example, a person understands that he is afraid to communicate with new people, and even in a foreign language. He enrolls in a film club, because he has long been fond of auteur cinema and can talk about it for hours. A common background with new acquaintances allows you to reduce fear and make it easier to choose words.
If an immigrant ignores his fear and brushes it off, then this emotion can be transformed and expressed in a different way. This is a property of our psyche: if there is internal tension, it will not disappear, but will manifest itself in a different way. For example, a person has never been worried about the quality of tap water. And in a new country, it seems that it must be boiled 3-4 times in order not to get infected. He cannot just drink water, even if it is known that its quality is higher than at home.
The Art of Emotional Restitution: A Healing Journey for the Soul
Stress causes people to focus on the negative. If there are problems with documents or renting an apartment, an immigrant may begin to think that he does not belong here, and the move was a mistake. When the euphoria from a new country passes, a person stops noticing the good, so disappointment and anger appear.
How Immigrants Adapt to a New Country
After moving, people experience culture shock. American sociologist and researcher Peter Adler in his article The Transitional Experience: an Alternative View of Culture Shock identifies 5 stages that all immigrants go through.
Primary contact. A person has just arrived and is beginning to immerse himself in a new environment. Everything around is unusual, interesting, and delightful. This stage lasts from a week to six months and depends on previous experience. For example, if a person often came to the country before moving and got used to it, then they will move to the next stage faster.
Decay. The euphoria passes, and a person is faced with everyday problems and rules that he is not used to. Surrounding people seem hostile, which increases anxiety and homesickness. Frustration and fear can lead to severe depression. The decay stage is the most difficult, it can continue throughout the first year. It is at this time that immigrants most often return to their country.
Reintegration. A person begins to get used to a new life. He already knows where to buy bread and how to pay his rent, but he still faces difficulties, and feels lonely and irritated by the shortcomings of the country. This stage occurs about a year after the move.
Neutrality. An immigrant overcomes cultural differences and feels more confident. It ceases to divide people into strangers and friends, and differences are perceived more calmly. The stage, on average, begins after a year and a half of life in a new country. If a person isolates himself from society, for example, spending all his free time at home, then it will take longer to adapt.
Independence. The person fully accepts the new culture. Life before the move is remembered by him as a story that was once upon a time. New habits appear and the immigrant feels comfortable and in his place.
The speed of adaptation to the culture of another country depends on many factors, mainly on the age and nature of the immigrant, education, life experience, and reasons for moving.
Why An Identity Crisis Happens And How To Survive It
An identity crisis is a period when a person reconsiders ideas about himself and his place in society.
It is important for a person to understand what he is now, what he wants to be, how he stands out and differs from other people. In a new country, he encounters rules and behaviors he is not used to. To fit into society, you need to change your values and beliefs. It is a difficult and disturbing process.
It is easier to survive an identity crisis using the Johari Window technique. Imagine that all the knowledge about yourself and about the world can fit in one table.
There will be four cells. A person knows some information about himself, and some does not. For example, it is not known what he will have the courage to do in a crisis situation. In the same way, some of the information about a person is known to others, and some is not.
To better understand yourself and others, you need to expand the boundaries of knowledge – to tell something about yourself and learn about others. For example, to put yourself in the place of another person in order to understand the actions from his point of view. If the new society is very different from the usual one and it is difficult to imagine yourself in the place of another, you can directly ask: why is it so in your country?
How to Prepare for Sudden Difficulties
Even thorough preparation will not protect against unexpected difficulties in a new country, because you cannot foresee all actions and situations.
Prepare yourself for the thought that there will be difficulties. Before moving, you can look for stories of people who did not easily experience their emigration, but in the end they coped with everything. If someone else has overcome everything, you can too.
Not all problems can be thought through in advance. For example, due to the pandemic, people had to reduce contacts and isolate themselves. It has become even more difficult to strike up friendly communication, because events are canceled, and all working contacts have moved to mail and instant messengers. Anxiety has increased: at any moment the borders can be closed, and a person will be locked up for an indefinite time in a country that feels like a stranger.
If it becomes so difficult for you that you want to pack your bags and leave, you should talk to a psychologist. It will help you figure out what exactly led to this state.
What Mistakes Immigrants Often Make
Mistake #1: Moving to a new country in a state of high expectations. If a person looks forward to too much in a new life, then he can sharply perceive the negative aspects. For example, he was going to visit all the famous bars of the city in the first month, but he had to spend ten days in self-isolation, and then wait another two weeks for a vaccination certificate. Without preparation and careful study of a new country, it will be more difficult to adapt.
Mistake No. 2. Constantly blaming yourself if something does not work out.When a person is alone in another country, it is difficult for him to look at the situation from the outside. Try to write down your experiences in order to step back from them for a while, and then analyze them. And you can always turn to a psychologist.
Mistake #3: Focus on work. When a person is faced with a difficult situation, it is easier to switch attention to something else. As a result, the immigrant concentrates only on work and does not allow himself to meet new people.
Mistake number 4. Communicate only with compatriots. The support of people who speak your language and have a common context with you will help in the first stages of adaptation. But don’t limit yourself to just her.
What Tips And Techniques Will Help You Adapt In A New Country
Make a plan of action in difficult situations. You need to prepare in advance and foresee what difficulties may await you in a new country. For example, find a dentist if a problem tooth suddenly breaks. A plan may not be necessary, but will reduce anxiety during adjustment.
Accept that crises are inevitable. If an immigrant is ready to experience frustration, loneliness and anxiety, it will be easier for him to support himself or ask for help.
Imagine yourself as an explorer. Think of the move as an exciting adventure, not a final break with your home country.
Imagine that you are just going to see what kind of people are there, life, prices and work. If you don’t like it, you can always come back.
The research approach allows you to reduce the requirements for yourself. If you didn’t like it in a new country, this does not mean that a person is a loser who did not cope. Just in the process it turned out that this place did not fit, you can safely go to explore others. Or even return.
Set intermediate goals and record the results. This will make it easier to move towards the final goal – “settle in a new country.” For example, the first task is to find temporary housing, the second is to apply for a residence permit, the third is to find a part-time job.
Work with your inner perfectionist. Agree with yourself that you do not have to immediately integrate into society, find a high-paying job and speak a new language perfectly. At the first stages, there will be quite acceptable results, not excellent ones.
Maintain your confidence. Think back to a difficult crisis situation you handled earlier. Make three columns and fill them in.
- Qualities that helped. For example: diligence, activity and perseverance.
- Professional skills. For example: an excellent organizer, good at communicating with people.
- The people who helped. For example: supervisor or girlfriend.
Let’s say that with the help of diligence and discipline, you managed to save up for a car. Six months after the purchase, an accident occurred, but the culprit did not have insurance. Communication skill helped to solve this problem without conflicts. And a friend found the contacts of a trusted service, where the car was repaired.
The technique helps you remember what resources you have. For support, you can turn to people who helped you out before, or to those who are similar to them. For example, you don’t communicate with your supervisor now, but you have the same trusting relationship with your boss at work.
Get ready to change. If a person moves to another country, he will not be able to remain the same. Habits and preferences will change, he will learn to live by different rules. It may be necessary to reconsider the professional sphere. The role of the researcher will help you understand if you are ready to adapt to the new society and rules.
Notice the pleasant. When stressed, it is easy to focus only on unpleasant moments. Set several reminders on your phone for different times. When the signal sounds, ask yourself: what good is there around me? It can be little things: you bought a new shower gel with a cool smell; the barista in the coffee shop asked, “Are you as usual?”; outside the window now – tiled roofs, like in the movies.
