Perhaps you know or guess that someone close to you has a mental illness. If a person is not feeling well, he needs communication and support, even if it seems that this is not so. We have collected recommendations: what alarming bells you should pay attention to and how to support a person so that he does not get even worse.
How To Understand That A Person Is Not Just Sad Or Tired?
Sadness, anxiety, irritability, restlessness, or trouble sleeping are very common. But if these sensations become very intense, do not go away for a long time, and begin to interfere with relationships or work, this may be a sign of mental illness.
It’s like with a cold: in most cases, it can be tolerated relatively easily without breaking away from your usual activities, but sometimes complications occur. For example, everything can end with pneumonia – then just sleeping will not help, and you will have to take more serious measures.
If you know the person well, you may notice complications in their condition and behavior that say it’s not “just sadness”.
Early Wake-Up Calls
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Too much energy or vice versa, no strength at all
- Alcohol abuse
- Suddenly lost interest in what used to please
- Quarrels with loved ones, avoiding communication
- Frequent and sudden mood swings
- Difficulties with daily activities, care about yourself (for example, you notice that the person has become less likely to leave the house or has almost stopped preparing food for himself)
Also, you should be alert if the person mentions:
- Feeling numb, as if all feelings are gone
- Feeling helpless, hopeless
- forgetful
- fatigue
- Obsessive thoughts about their uselessness, insignificance, guilt
Everything Seems To Be Serious. How To Talk About It?
It can be scary or embarrassing to talk about such a topic, and this is normal. Try to choose the right moment when you are alone, and no one is in a hurry.
The following phrases can help start a conversation:
✅ “I’m worried about you. If you’re feeling down, can we talk about what you’re going through?”
✅ “I care about you and am ready to listen. Would you like to tell me how you feel?”
✅ “Looks like you’re having a hard time right now. Would you like to talk about it?”
It’s best to ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. This will give more chances for a loved one to express what is on his mind. Give the person time to respond, and don’t bombard them with questions. You are not necessarily expected to give advice or solve a problem – the fact that you listen to him is already important.
Let the person say exactly as much as they want. Try not to push or ask for details that he is not yet ready to share. Remember that talking about mental problems is usually very difficult. It requires a lot of trust and courage.
It is important that the person feels heard and that their experiences are respected and taken seriously. Many people who have mental illness blame themselves for what they are going through. It may seem to them that all this is “only in their head” and unworthy of attention. Even if you may not fully understand how your loved one feels, it is important to validate their feelings and experiences. This can be expressed, for example, with the phrase, “It sounds really difficult. I sympathize with you.”
Phrases To Avoid
⛔️ “It’s okay, you’re depressed.”
Don’t try to diagnose or question the person’s feelings. Many mental illnesses have similar symptoms. Most likely, you are not an expert, so try not to draw conclusions and conclusions. You are expected to support, not “home psychotherapy.”
⛔️ “Others are now even worse than you.”
This does not help but devalues a person’s experiences. You seem to be saying, “You have no right to feel what you feel. It has to be earned.”
⛔️ “Everyone is feeling bad and anxious now” It is
also better not to use such phrases. On the one hand, this normalizes the experience of a person. On the other hand, it can have an undesirable effect in the form of depreciation and a call to do nothing about the problem.
⛔️ “After all, nothing terrible happened to you. How can you be sad?”
Mental illnesses often have a biochemical basis – a person feels bad literally “for no reason.” This can frighten and torment him; if he understood the reason, he could cope with it. Therefore, it is better not to emphasize it once again.
⛔️ “Find something to do, and there will be no time for suffering.”
Sometimes the symptoms of mental illness are apathy, lack of strength, and loss of interest in things that a person loved before. In this state, it is difficult to find something to do and get distracted – in addition. The problem will not disappear from this.
How Can I Help A Loved One In This Situation?
Don’t Try to Guess
It’s important to remember that support means different things to each of us. It is enough for someone to be listened to and not condemned. Another needs help, indeed. Instead of wondering how you can help, ask directly: “How can I support you?” or “What would be good for you right now?”
Specify Help
Sometimes it can be difficult for a person to formulate exactly what they need. Instead of the general phrase, “I’m there, if anything,” try to be specific about what kind of help you are ready to provide. Often help is needed in daily activities. A person with a mental illness may be overwhelmed by the simplest decisions or actions. For example, choosing what to eat or washing the dishes may be difficult. If you are visiting, offer to help with household chores. For example, order food or go to the pharmacy. Or, if the person is comfortable with such help, you can offer to remind them when to eat, take their medication, or go to bed.
Stay Connected
Try to keep in touch regularly. The person is most likely embarrassed to waste someone else’s time and energy. It is important to remind that you are there and love him. Even a simple “How are you?” is enough for a person to feel that he is not alone and has someone to rely on.
Spend Time Together
Support can come in the form of doing something together that brings you both joy. Even with a mental illness, it’s still the same person – the loved one you love. It may be difficult for him to answer the question, “What do you want to do?”. Remind him what you usually like to do together – cooking, watching TV shows, going out.
Even a simple “How are you?” is enough for a person to feel that he is not alone and has someone to rely on.
Separate Symptoms From Personality
Try not to take your loved one’s behavior personally. Often people with mental illness behave unpredictably. They can be either talkative or withdrawn, and sometimes, as if for no reason, postpone a meeting or call. You may feel uncomfortable and hurt, but try not to look at these actions as a reflection of how the person treats you. Instead, try to indicate that you accept the person. Show understanding if he canceled joint plans because the day was especially difficult or adapted. Instead of going to the cinema, you can offer to watch a movie in bed if it is difficult for a loved one to get out of bed today.
Celebrate Even the Smallest Victories
Every day can be full of challenges for someone with a mental illness. So it is worth welcoming even the smallest achievements of a loved one. It helps to restore and strengthen self-confidence. You could rejoice with a person if he managed to pull himself out for a walk or thank him for having the courage to share his experiences with you.
Negotiate Feedback
Your support sometimes works out differently than you expected. It may be that it is difficult for someone in his condition to show emotions or notice that he has become easier. Therefore, discuss with your loved ones: how it will be easier for you to understand what you support correctly.
What To Do If A Loved One Refuses To Talk About The Problem?
If the person brushes off the conversation, try not to take it personally. It most likely says nothing about you or your relationship. There are many reasons a person does not want to talk about what they are going through or are not ready to seek help.
“I Don’t Know What To Tell You”
If your loved one finds it difficult to talk about what is bothering him, he may not fully understand it. Talking about his condition can be anxious and uncomfortable if he has difficulty processing and expressing his feelings.
How to proceed: It may be easier for your loved one to open up to you if you are the first to share difficult experiences.
“I Have No Problems”
If your loved one gets irritated when you discuss their condition, they may be in denial. This is a common reaction when faced with mental difficulties that interfere with the normal course of his life.
How to proceed:
- Be there.
- Wait until he is ready to admit a problem.
- Carefully try to re-talk that you are worried about him.
“I’ll Figure It Out Myself”
Your loved one may believe that they should be able to handle everything on their own. Perhaps he is ashamed of the difficulties that he is experiencing, or for him to ask for help means to show weakness.
How to proceed: Try to accept the desire of a person to show inner strength and cope with everything on his own. But also remind him that accepting help is a strong act, not a sign of weakness.
“It’s Not So Bad”
Perhaps the person feels like a burden to loved ones, especially if they are also experiencing difficulties. You might want to downplay how hard it is for him now.
Action: Remind your loved one that their feelings, worries, and concerns are important to you—no matter how hard it is for you or the other eight billion people on the planet.
“You Still Won’t Understand”
In an acute state, it may seem to your loved one that no one will understand his experiences. Remember that many mental illnesses exacerbate feelings of loneliness and isolation, and this experience can be very painful.
How to proceed: tell the person that even if you have not experienced this yourself, this does not mean that you are indifferent to his condition. If you have had a similar experience, please share it.
Everything Seems To Be Quite Bad. How To Persuade A Person To Seek Professional Help?
When you see someone you love suffer, it can be very hard to resist the urge to take matters into your own hands and “do good” by force. But in this way, you will take away agency from a person – his independence, the ability to make decisions and influence his life. You are trying to support the person, not control them, so avoid taking ultimatums about what your loved one should or shouldn’t do.
⛔️ “Come quickly to a psychologist.”
⛔️ “You need urgent treatment.”
✅ “You can count on my support, but I’m not a specialist. Maybe we should look for a therapist together?”
Even if you are sure that therapy will help your loved one, it may be that he is not ready for it yet. Of course, this is hard to understand and accept, but remember that asking for help can be scary and embarrassing. In addition, if a person is not ready for therapy, even the best specialist will not be able to help him.
Transform Your Well-Being: Online-Therapy Review and Insights
If your loved one refuses to see a specialist, try to understand what is behind his refusal. When you understand the reason, you can try to discuss the beliefs behind it carefully. Often a person does not have enough information about how and on what the therapeutic work is built. For example, many fear that a psychologist will force them to take pills (and he can only recommend one). It also happens that a person lacks confidence that he can really be helped. Sometimes, a person does not have the strength to choose a specialist and then make an appointment with him and go to an appointment. What seems to you a simple, understandable, and uncomplicated plan, a person with a mental illness may seem an unbearably difficult “long-term construction” that he will never endure.
You cannot force a person, but you can motivate him to seek help. If you already had experience working with a psychologist, then offer to return to him or find another. If the person has never sought psychological help, encourage them to try. Share how therapy has helped you: for example, how you coped with anxiety and began to feel more confident. Explain that a psychologist does not “teach you how to live” but helps you better understand yourself, look at the situation in a new way, and see ways to solve problems. Explain how the appointments work, how the therapy is structured, and what can be expected. Offer to help you find a specialist or make an appointment with one.
I Try To Maintain, But It’s Very Hard For Me. Am I A Bad Friend?
In any situation, you need to remember first of all about yourself. It is within your power to support a loved one, but it is not an obligation. Empathy must be shown first to yourself – only in this way can you provide support without burning out and without sacrificing yourself.
You may feel responsible for the condition of a loved one and worry about what might happen to him if you are not around. These experiences can be painful and embarrassing for you and your loved one.
Empathy must be shown first to yourself – only in this way can you provide support without burning out and without sacrificing yourself.
So that both you and he can feel more independent, do not forget:
- Rest.
If you feel that you “do not take it out”, it is better to rest and return to the person with renewed vigor than to scold yourself for being tired and burned out.
- Set boundaries.
Defining boundaries does not mean rejecting a loved one in difficult times. It’s about being realistic about how much support you’re willing to provide and what you can no longer do. This is how you take care of yourself and those around you. In addition, encouraging a person to cope without you at some points will help him build confidence in his abilities.
- Enlist the support of others.
Do not try to be the only support for your loved one. You can arrange with his friends or relatives to create a support network together. If you know that others can support your loved one, this will relieve you of unnecessary pressure.
- Share your feelings.
Of course, you should not dump all your emotions on the loved one you support. But from the fact that you keep everything to yourself, no one will definitely benefit. Try to talk about your feelings, problems, and experiences. That way, you can feel supported too.
Remember that, as a rule, resolving mental health problems is not a quick process. You may feel helpless when you see a loved one suffering. But you can still make it easier to experience these difficulties. Your loved one doesn’t expect you to find a magic pill to heal them. He needs you to be around.
An insistent desire to urgently “fix everything” in the state of a loved one may indicate that this is how you are trying to cope with your discomfort or anxiety. Try to listen to yourself. It is important not to suppress these feelings but to figure out what is behind them. This may be how you are trying to cope with feelings of helplessness, or the difficulties of a loved one are too much like yours.
If your mental state has deteriorated, make sure that you have someone to talk to and get support and, if necessary, professional help.
