Liam taps his fingers on the steering wheel in annoyance. Olivia, his girlfriend, is again late for 20 minutes – and Liam has said more than once that he hates when people are late. When Olivia finally gets into the car, Liam slams on the gas. He feels he is covered with anger and does not know how to deal with it.
Emma rips off her headphones and slams her laptop shut. Oliver, a colleague from a neighboring department, once again did not let her insert a word on the call with the head. Now the boss will think that Oliver did all the work on the client project, and Emma just sat next to him. Emma is shaking: she wants to take revenge on Oliver.
Everyone has the right to be angry, but sometimes emotions get out of hand. Outbursts of anger take strength and destroy relationships with others. Together with a psychologist, we understand what aggression is, how it is formed, and why.
What Is The Difference Between Anger And Aggression
Anger is one of the basic emotions. It occurs when something threatens our safety – physical or emotional.
We get angry when our boundaries are violated, such as taking things without asking or asking tactless questions. Anger can signal that some important need is not being met. If you are infuriated by any comment from your boss or a message from a client, perhaps behind this is the feeling that you cannot change the situation, resentment, injustice, or physical or moral exhaustion.
Anger is a feeling and one of the manifestations of aggression, and aggression is a natural emotional state. Usually, it arises in response to a situation that seriously affects a person’s personal interests. Showing aggression does not necessarily mean breaking dishes, screaming, and being rude. To sharply tell a colleague that you do not agree with his remark, or to share with a partner how angry you are that he forgot about your anniversary, is also aggression.
Aggression is a life force. Healthy aggression helps to defend and achieve goals, defend your position, win competitions and build a career. Aggression becomes dangerous if not controlled: outbursts of rage destroy relationships with others and drain.
Ten minutes Olivia and Liam drive in silence. Finally, Olivia asks what happened, and Liam explodes. He screams that he is tired of waiting for Olivia for half an hour – because of her, he will have to cancel the meeting and pay for parking. Liam sees that Olivia is trying to answer something, but he does not want to listen to excuses. When they stop at a traffic light, Olivia gets out of the car and slams the door.
Aggression Needs An Out
Suppressing anger takes a lot of energy and leads to aggression accumulating and breaking out at unexpected moments. This usually happens where it is safe to be angry: a person is angry with the manager but breaks down with the family after work.
It happens that a person cannot express anger and directs it at himself – this is auto-aggression. For example, he said nothing when a colleague passed off his idea as his own and now scolds himself.
Auto-aggression manifests itself in different ways – from exorbitantly high demands on oneself and self-criticism to self-destructive behavior. If you do not express anger, a person can get sick, get carried away with something harmful like smoking, or forbid himself from enjoying the things he loves. Let’s say he stops relaxing on weekends or meeting his loved ones.
When a person keeps anger to himself, it does not disappear. You can’t stop experiencing it, but you can control how it is expressed. The sooner you notice what’s going on, the sooner you can help yourself deal with your emotions.
Emma tries to make a report, but nothing comes out. She recalls Oliver’s contented face – the leader hinted that he would be promoted at the end of the year. Emma wants to tell her boss that she spent half the night correcting Oliver’s mistakes in a presentation for a client. She seethes with anger but worries that she will look pathetic and unprofessional, so she remains silent. Emma is infuriated that she cannot stand up for herself.
In the second part, we will give advice from a psychologist on how to cope with aggression and, less often, break down on yourself and loved ones.
